guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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