I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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