dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
