Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
