Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
