im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
