thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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