my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
nutella sex= disaster
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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