About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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