How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
