Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
