Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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