i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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