Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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