oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need a beard to bite.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
