Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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