Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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