Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
