Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
