Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
