Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
