no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
