I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
