New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
time to smoke my breakfast
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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