there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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