I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
