do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
