She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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