distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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