So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
