you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
