what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
