i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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