Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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