I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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