He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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