Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
