You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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