I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
