I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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