Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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