Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to sanitize my soul.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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