In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
