Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
