Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
