remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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