I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
