then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
