Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
