Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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