Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
