I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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