I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
