Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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